By Meghan | September 24, 2008
-November Rain. Guns N’ Roses (my favorite song ever)
Like the title suggests, this couldn’t last forever. My feelings of triumph and self-assurance couldn’t last more than a month.
Sometimes I feel like everything in my life is so altering, so important, so life-changing. Then I listen to music like Apocalyptica’s Farewell. It makes me feel so small. It makes me feel so nice, so stress-free, so motivated to run a thousand miles and have the sun shine bright on my face. I feel like I need to write a novel about a love I hardly know, about hardship I’ve never faced, about death and pain, just so everyone knows it exists, so I know it exists. This song knows it’s out there, this song knows life better than I do and I’ve been living for so long.
What if this isn’t where I’m supposed to be? What if I’m meant for something more? Something more than college and homework and a receptionist?
Times like these I wonder what I’m doing here. What am I doing at Canisius? Why am I even here? Is this even where I want to be? Or maybe am I falling back on what I know, and have always known; home? It’s so easy to say, “Okay, I’ll stay” but a million times harder to say, “No. This isn’t what I’m made for”
But who’s to say I’m made for anything? Maybe I’m just another person like everyone else. Whose happiness is the same, whose desires are the same, whose love is just the same.
Maybe Psychology notes aren’t everything. Maybe not getting a 100 on an English paper isn’t everything. Maybe having friends isn’t everything. Maybe being here isn’t everything.
Maybe everything is just a stone’s throw away, a sunset away, a deep breath away, a run away, a chance away.
Maybe all I need is a chance.
Someone out there right now is grieving. Someone out there right now is hoping. Someone out there right is loving. Someone out there is begging for help. Someone out there right is wishing and praying. Someone out there right now is letting the sun soak into their face. Someone out there right now is under the stars. Someone out there right now is fighting, standing up for what they believe in.
And right now, I’m in here, wasting it all, thinking that this is everything I’ve got.